Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Over My Cold, Dead, Fresh Body: The Criminalization of Tupperware

Idiot legislators in Missouri recently managed to criminalize Tupperware. Mark my words - when Tupperware is criminalized, only criminals will have Tupperware!

Inside sources indicate that their next acts will be to enact regulations for the proper use of Cracker Jacks, to remove the toe-stopper from speed skates, and to demand the re-issuance of millions of dollars worth of S&H Green Stamps. As the Founding Fathers warned, surrendering our rights to carry dishwasher safe storage containers is a slippery slope to the compromise of the remainder of our civil rights.

Of course, this story is not as weird as it might first appear (!!!). You see, these unctuous monuments to stupidity and self-righteousness did not actually intend to outlaw Tupperware.

Yes, it was a mistake. The intent was to criminalize the use of Styrofoam on waterways, but due to a mishap (perhaps, like Arlen Specter, they did not read the bill? or perhaps, like Joe Biden, they "guessed wrong" about the type of plastic container they needed to regulate? or perhaps, like Barack Hussein Muhammad bin Obama, they simply didn't know how bad that type of plastic was until they actually got into office, and it was really all George W. Bush's fault?), sources report that these insightful legislators "confused their plastics."

Important lessons to learn:

1) The confidence that the masses place in their government is incomprehensibly misplaced. These people are not only idiots, they are professional idiots. They are idiots excelsior; idiots of surpassing beauty.

2) The ability of government functionaries and the bureaucrats who shiftily enact their decrees to get ANYTHING AT ALL RIGHT is roughly inverse to the Constitutionality of their political views. The next time an intellectual midget the size of Barack Hussein Muhammad bin Obama or Joe Biden assures you that if you pass their silly stimulus, unemployment will not exceed 8%, or that they are appropriately "guessing" as to how to fix the economy, remember that. The collective government of these United States of America, whether at the federal, state, or local level in this era, causes the Detroit Lions to appear positively competent by comparison.

3) These same bloated intellectual dirigibles, questionable both as to literacy and morality, want to run your health care, the energy industry, and are promising that they have saved your economy. As the story indicates, the state law was based on a federal rule, which was sumptuously plagiarized by the local yokels. The federal rule did, in fact, intend to ban Tupperware. So the stupidity that is enacted by accident at the state level is in fact the intent of the mental wizards in Washington, D.C.

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